Register    Login    Forum    Search    FAQ    Donate    Amazon Affiliate

Board index » Couch




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1219 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 78, 79, 80, 81, 82
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:41 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:07 pm
Posts: 1140
Location: In a turkey shed.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water
floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
The pastor fainted.

_________________
G4 Powermac Quicksilver Dual 800MHz OSX 10.5.8
iMac 27" i7 2.93 GHz quad core OSX 10.12.6
13" Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
17" Macbookpro OS X 10.13.2
iPhone 5S iOS11
Original iPad wifi


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 5:16 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:09 am
Posts: 46
Connor, the young Irish dude walked into the local welfare office with his pants hanging half down off his butt, two golden front teeth, and a half-inch thick gold chain around his neck, to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”

The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You will have to drive around in his 2017 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.”

“Because of the long hours, also meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker replied, “Yeah, well… you started it.”


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:11 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:07 pm
Posts: 1140
Location: In a turkey shed.
Went for a job at Citroen. Had to send in 2CVs.

_________________
G4 Powermac Quicksilver Dual 800MHz OSX 10.5.8
iMac 27" i7 2.93 GHz quad core OSX 10.12.6
13" Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
17" Macbookpro OS X 10.13.2
iPhone 5S iOS11
Original iPad wifi


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:12 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:07 pm
Posts: 1140
Location: In a turkey shed.
I said, "Do you like my shirt? It's covered in cactuses."
He said, "Cacti."
I said, "Never mind the tie, what do you think of the shirt?"

_________________
G4 Powermac Quicksilver Dual 800MHz OSX 10.5.8
iMac 27" i7 2.93 GHz quad core OSX 10.12.6
13" Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
17" Macbookpro OS X 10.13.2
iPhone 5S iOS11
Original iPad wifi


Top 
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1219 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 78, 79, 80, 81, 82

Board index » Couch


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

 
 

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

 

HTML tutorial

cron