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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 4:21 pm 
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Location: Glasgow
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”
Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
“Dammit” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.
“Oh God, this is gettin' worse,” he slurs.
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk.
He falls flat on his face.
“I’ll never make it home,” he mumbles amid more curses.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and grunts “No way”. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says “Maybe I can just can make it to the bed.”
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says “To hell with it” and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Bridie, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?”.
Paddy says, “I did Bridie. I was totally scuttered pissed. Me head’s throbbin’. But how’d ye know?”
“Mick phoned ... You left your wheelchair at the pub

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:08 pm 
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:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 10:36 am 
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Location: South Midlands
A middle-aged man bought a brand new Porsche convertible. He took off down the road, pushed it to 110mph, and was enjoying the wind blowing through his thinning hair.

'This is great,' he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed but then, in his rear-view mirror, he saw a police car, blue lights flashing. 'I can get away from him with no problem' thought the man and floored it some more, flying down the road at 160mph to escape.

Then he thought 'What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing' and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to pull in behind his Porsche. The officer walked up to the driver's window. 'Sir, my shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go'.

The man looked at the policeman and said: 'Well, officer, last week my wife ran off with a policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back.' The policeman said: 'Have a nice day'

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:15 pm 
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"Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day..."
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Crapday,
I'm a full time wheelchair user by way of a really smashed up spine. I once was a member of a BBC disability forum and posted that joke. Wow!. You should have seen the uproar I caused. I nearly got banned and had to do a lot to defend myself. Some people just thought it was a crap joke but others were highly offended. I tried to explain that we disabled people should be able to have a sense of humour about ourselves but some just wouldn't have it.

NDW


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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:21 pm 
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Neil,

Your joke is brilliant – what a wonderful punch line. I can't imagine why anyone could be offended by it; on what grounds?!

I'll definitely be using this in the future. Thanks for posting it.

Lorimer

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:40 pm 
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Yes, some folk can be really offended by small things. I guess it's because of a feeling of vulnerability. Perhaps if you're disabled yourself you might really resent somebody taking the piss out of disabled people - even though it's not taking the piss out of them in this case, it really isn't. I can see it as a joke.

Some people can be trapped in mental circles, it's a sad thing if we can't see outside. We are all limited by many things in our lives, our brains do not always see clearly. It's evolution. we're stuck with it! The limbic system takes control.

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Can you name, name, name, name them all today


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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:59 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:22 pm
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Location: S.W. Wales
I watch The Last Leg. They include everyone in the banter/humour.


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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:40 pm 
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Location: In a turkey shed.
Leewave wrote:
Yes, some folk can be really offended by small things.....

Don't they just. There's a farming forum I spend (too much) time on and someone has started a thread because they've got their knickers in a twist over a (green & yellow) tractor manufacturer selling pink overalls (for children).

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:52 pm 
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But is it pink overalls for children, or pink overalls for girls and not boys?

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:02 pm 
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Pink is another high visibility colour. H&S. I wouldn't want to wear it.


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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:14 pm 
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Jonah wrote:
But is it pink overalls for children, or pink overalls for girls and not boys?

The wording is not gender specific but the pictures have girls in pink and boys in brand colours.

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:47 pm 
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And that’s the reason why people aren’t happy about it

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 5:15 pm 
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See fact No 14 :

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hilarywardle/18-facts-about-victorian-england-that-will-blow-your-damn?utm_term=.igmWZW1ED#.oqY5v5g7Q

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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 6:38 pm 
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I think a lot of the forum members got their knickers in a twist because they were very pro disability rights. You had to be careful what you said as many took offence if you disagreed with them or had an opposing view. Also many were not happy in themselves too. Being disabled can be very hard both mentally and physically.

I thought I'd lighten the mood but got it wrong that time.

now, here's a joke to get this thread back on track.

A woman in court charged with stealing a tin of peaches. Judge asks "how many peaches were in the tin?" to which she replies "there were 4." He tells her that she will serve 1 month for each peach. As she is being lead away her husband shouts from the public gallery . . "AND SHE STOLE A F**KIN' TIN OF PEAS!"


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 Post subject: Re: The joke thread...
 Post Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 9:26 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:13 am
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Location: South Midlands
Computer Dependency Test
Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have become way too dependent on our computers.



Computer Dependency Test



Q: Are you male or female?



To find out the answer, look down...



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Look down, not scroll down! :roll:

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If only we could put an extra memory stick in our heads as we get older....
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27in iMac mid-2011, 3.1 GHz Intel Core i5, OS10.8.5 (Mountain Lion); 15in MacBook Pro, 2010 OS 10.6.8 (Snow Leopard)


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