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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

Just asked Siri...

“Surely it’s not going to rain today?”

Siri said: “It will, and don’t call me Shirley.”

Forgot to take my iPhone off Airplane mode...

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I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

Thanks for paying homage to Leslie Nielsen

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.
They decide it’s finally time to get married.
They go out to a special dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.
They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.
“How do you feel about sex?” he asks, rather tentatively.
“I would like it infrequently,” replies the old lady.
The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: “Is that one word or two?”

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

Jokes about white sugar are rare but jokes about brown sugar, Demerara.

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I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

On their wedding night, young bride Erin and her husband Simon finally retire to their hotel room.
After making her preparations, Erin leaves the bathroom to find Simon on his knees in front of the bed.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“I’m praying for guidance,” mumbles Simon.
“I’ll take care of that,” replies Erin. “You pray for endurance.”

Woman says... I've had 8 children in 8 tears of marriage.

She's asked... 8 children in 8 tears of marriage, don't you have any outside interests?

Woman replies... Sure I do, where do you thing six of those children came from!

How I got Divorced

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. But as I entered my office, my secretary said "Happy Birthday Boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" I told her that was fine. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!" while I was waiting on the sofa – naked!

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Mid '09 MacBook Pro 2.66ghz, 500gb SSD; OS 10.10.4; 11" MacBook Air 128gb;1 TB Time Capsule; iPhone 5s, 64gb; 13" 2012 MBA

My wife bought herself a book on slimming.

How much has she lost?

Thirty quid….

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20" 2.1GHz Intel iMac, OS 10.7.5.

A man was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said: 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take.

'It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said: 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.’

The Lord replied: ‘Do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?'

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Mid '09 MacBook Pro 2.66ghz, 500gb SSD; OS 10.10.4; 11" MacBook Air 128gb;1 TB Time Capsule; iPhone 5s, 64gb; 13" 2012 MBA

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice shelves full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a BJ, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear. In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf."

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"If it ain't broke, we can fix it" (© Tim Cook, Jonny Ive)

Core i7 2011 21.5" iMac 12,1 2.8 GHz 16GB RAM OS X 10.9.5 1TB SSD & 128GB SSD

Warning religious joke :














What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus ?

You can put up the picture with one nail.

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
Bill Hicks

'If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people'
Tony Benn

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