mac4mac.co.uk

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

Somebody must have had some cracker jokes…

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MacMini (2018) OS10.14.6 (Mojave). Monitor: LG 27in 4K Ultra HD LED.
15in MacBook Pro (Mid 2014) OS10.13.4 (High Sierra);
15in MacBook Pro (2010), (ex-Snow Leopard); now OS10.13.6 (High Sierra); 500GB Solid-State SATA drive; 4GB memory.

Shooting Rights... A big city New York lawyer went duck hunting in rural England. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial barristers in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Lincolnshire. We settle small disagreements like this with the Lincolnshire Three Kick Rule." The solicitor asked, "What is the Lincolnshire Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The brief quickly thought about the proposed contest
and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city chap. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the shin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man's nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The brief summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn!" The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.".......

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

Must have been one helluva cracker....




I SAID: MUST HAVE BEEN ONE HELLUVA CRACKER...

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MacMini (2018) OS10.14.6 (Mojave). Monitor: LG 27in 4K Ultra HD LED.
15in MacBook Pro (Mid 2014) OS10.13.4 (High Sierra);
15in MacBook Pro (2010), (ex-Snow Leopard); now OS10.13.6 (High Sierra); 500GB Solid-State SATA drive; 4GB memory.

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

I ran into the vets this morning and said to the receptionist, "Quick, I think my hamster is in serious trouble."
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake."

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

I was rudely awoken with a bad hangover by my neighbour mowing his lawn this morning. Iwas going to get up and have words with him but I was too tired, so I decided he could mow around me instead.

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

Night time. Two cops pulled up a car with two priests in.

"How may we help you?", they asked.

"We are looking for two child molesters." the police said.

The priests looked at each other. "We'll do it..."

A friend of mine with a large family is going on holiday. Four years ago it was Portugal, and his wife got pregnant; three years ago it was France and his wife got pregnant; two years ago Italy and his wife got pregnant again; last year Iceland and once again she got pregnant. This year he said he's going try something different. He's taking her with him.

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Blessed are the censors; for they shall inhibit the earth.
"Some day Dragon Balls could power the world!"
5893 posts on MF, not that I'm keeping count or anything.

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

Jesus could never finish a crossword. Always stuck... 2 across.

b
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers are asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.

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Old and modern fairy tales compared:

Old fairy tale begins: "Once upon a time..."

Modern fairy tale begins: "And if elected, I promise..."

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MacMini (2018) OS10.14.6 (Mojave). Monitor: LG 27in 4K Ultra HD LED.
15in MacBook Pro (Mid 2014) OS10.13.4 (High Sierra);
15in MacBook Pro (2010), (ex-Snow Leopard); now OS10.13.6 (High Sierra); 500GB Solid-State SATA drive; 4GB memory.

We've not had any jokes recently. The ones below were listed as the ten best at the Edinburgh Fringe 2023.

1. I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah.

2. The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise’.

3. Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now.

4. When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it’s called a podcast.

5. I thought I’d start off with a joke about The Titanic – just to break the ice.

6. How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag – Frank Lavender.

7. My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He’s Costa-phobic.

8. I entered the ‘How not to surrender’ competition and I won hands down.

9. Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch.

10. My grandma describes herself as being in her ‘twilight years’ which I love because they’re great films.

Let's be honest, they are all crap. It must have been one un-amusing festival this year.

Not all crap

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James
Mac4Mac Founder
(use mac4mac as PW)

12.9" iPad Pro, Magic Keyboard, Pencil 2
21.5" iMac Quad Core i5 8GB RAM (Plex Server) ~ iPhone 15 Pro
AirPods Pro ~ Apple TV 4 (64GB) ~ Linksys Velop Mesh Wi-Fi

Perhaps I'm not drunk enough.