mac4mac.co.uk

Doctor, I think I'm going deaf!

What are the symptoms?

An American cartoon family - what's that got to do with it!

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MacMini (2018) OS10.14.6 (Mojave). Monitor: LG 27in 4K Ultra HD LED.
15in MacBook Pro (Mid 2014) OS10.13.4 (High Sierra);
15in MacBook Pro (2010), (ex-Snow Leopard); now OS10.13.6 (High Sierra); 500GB Solid-State SATA drive; 4GB memory.

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Gary.

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-- RANGERS FC --


"Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end." Douglas Adams.

Decades ago Kenneth Williams appeared on an "An Audience With..." show which has been repeated in the last couple of days. One of his gags, purported to be a true story, was this one about fans' familiarity with their idols. Read it in Williams' nasal accent:

In the 70s there was an actress who took the whole Women's Lib bra-burning thing very seriously. Backstage after one of her plays, a fan who'd admired her for ages met her and said "cor, you look ten years younger without yer bra. Yer breasts have drawn all the lines out of yer face."

I was drinking a cup of tea when he came out with that line, my shirt went immediately to the laundry basket.

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Blessed are the censors; for they shall inhibit the earth.
"Some day Dragon Balls could power the world!"
5893 posts on MF, not that I'm keeping count or anything.

Apparently Baroness Warsi slapped the face of a guest at the Royal Wedding because he wanted jelly AND cake with his ice cream. You're only allowed one preference in England.

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iMac, iPad, iPhone, Nikon and

Apparently Prince William wasn't happy at the wedding because he wanted ice cream for his sweet but he got jelly. It happened because in England there seems to be a lot of people who want you to have your second choice instead of your first.

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I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

William and Kate ask the Queen what is the secret to a long and happy marriage, the Queen replied 'Never piss me off and always wear your seat belt'

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabaman said to the doctor, "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"


"2"


"3"


"4"


"5"


At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Georgia, Indiana, Arkansas, Mississippi West Virginia and North Carolina.

Thanks Mike , I spilled my coffee.

Take Care

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Dave
Lezay France 79

Cracking joke, Mike, but what's a cherry bomb? I get it's something that explodes, but it's a new word for me...?

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iMac, iPad, iPhone, Nikon and

40mm-ish diameter gunpowder fireworks wrapped in gummy sawdust or iron filings, sometimes with metal shards or broken glass embedded in it and a short wick to set it off. But make sure you get your wick length/timing ratio right.

The effectiveness is reliant more on the wrapper's thickness, density and type of embedded shrapnel than on the amount of gunpowder, because anything bigger wouldn't be a cherry bomb. The damage circle is pretty narrow, although if you substitute C4 and a detonator there's a strong likelihood of pasting more than just a pair of balls all over the scenery.

Standard cherry bombs can be purchased in Britain with something like a gamekeepers licence. Light a handful and roll them into a rat nest or a mole tunnel and sit back. There isn't much to watch really, unless you think you're Bill Murray and go the Caddyshack route.

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Blessed are the censors; for they shall inhibit the earth.
"Some day Dragon Balls could power the world!"
5893 posts on MF, not that I'm keeping count or anything.

On 29 July 1969, after Neil Armstrong uttered those famous words 'one giant leap for mankind …' he made the enigmatic remark 'Good luck, Mr Gorsky'. Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what 'Good luck, Mr Gorsky'
meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Then in Florida on 5 July 1995 while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year-old question. As Mr Gorsky was now dead, Armstrong felt he could finally answer the question. In 1938 when Armstrong was a kid he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball into the neighbours' yard and it landed by the window. Armstrong went to get the ball and as he leaned down to pick it up, he heard Mrs Gorsky shouting at her husband 'sex, you want sex. You'll get sex when that kid next door lands on the moon'.

Not that I wish to pour cold water on a fun idea...

http://www.hq.nasa.gov/alsj/a11/a11.step.html

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Blessed are the censors; for they shall inhibit the earth.
"Some day Dragon Balls could power the world!"
5893 posts on MF, not that I'm keeping count or anything.

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know?
He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!

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20" 2.1GHz Intel iMac, OS 10.7.5.

Windows "life without walls". If I had no walls, I wouldn't need windows.

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Gary.

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█████████
-- RANGERS FC --


"Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end." Douglas Adams.

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." "The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did did he???"
Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora....... The gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"

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James
Mac4Mac Founder
(use mac4mac as PW)

12.9" iPad Pro, Magic Keyboard, Pencil 2
21.5" iMac Quad Core i5 8GB RAM (Plex Server) ~ iPhone 15 Pro
AirPods Pro ~ Apple TV 4 (64GB) ~ Linksys Velop Mesh Wi-Fi