mac4mac.co.uk

Never criticize a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.
That way, you'll be a mile away from him, and...you'll have his shoes.

Middle-aged couple in restaurant on first date:

Her: OMG my dentures just broke!

Him: Don't worry, I have plenty of spares in the boot of my car.

Her: Are you a dentist then?

Him. No, I am an undertaker….

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20" 2.1GHz Intel iMac, OS 10.7.5.

In 2014 - before he announced his candidacy - The Donald tweeted his "like" for this cartoon:

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

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Thank goodness for the Forum - more heartfelt than ever.

IMac 21.5 May 2010 3.06 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo, Memory 8 GB 1067 MHx DDR3 Sierra 10.12.6, Snow Lepard 10.6.8.
iPad Air2 11.1.1
iPhone 4S 9.3.5
iPad Air 11.0.3

:

I came home steaming drunk and sick. My mrs told me she would leave me if I came home drunk and sick again. The next weekend I was drunk and sick all down my front. I was panicking thinking WTF will I do, my friend told me to put a £20 note in my pocket and tell the wife that someone else was sick all over me and they gave you £20 for the dry cleaning bill. So off I went home. when I got home I explained the situation to my good lady. She asked why I had 2 £20 notes, I told her the other one was from the guy that shat in my pants.

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Gary.

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█████████
-- RANGERS FC --


"Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end." Douglas Adams.

A young boy asked his mother, "Is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"

"Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied by his mother.

The young boy answered "Oh, the other day Daddy was talking to someone on the phone and he told them that he screwed the arse off his secretary."

I didn't realise the mad dictator Mugarbe was from Yorkshire........

until I read his name backwards.

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
Bill Hicks

'If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people'
Tony Benn

l l

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MacMini (2018) OS10.14.6 (Mojave). Monitor: LG 27in 4K Ultra HD LED.
15in MacBook Pro (Mid 2014) OS10.13.4 (High Sierra);
15in MacBook Pro (2010), (ex-Snow Leopard); now OS10.13.6 (High Sierra); 500GB Solid-State SATA drive; 4GB memory.

_________________
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
Bill Hicks

'If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people'
Tony Benn

l l

_________________
Gary.

______________
█████████
-- RANGERS FC --


"Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end." Douglas Adams.

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little *******. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replied the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his arse, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

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MacPro (2010) quad core macOS 10.15.7
13" (2011) Macbookpro OSX 10.10.3
15" (2017) Macbookpro OS 13.3
iPhone 11 iOS16
Original iPad wifi

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James
Mac4Mac Founder
(use mac4mac as PW)

12.9" iPad Pro, Magic Keyboard, Pencil 2
21.5" iMac Quad Core i5 8GB RAM (Plex Server) ~ iPhone 15 Pro
AirPods Pro ~ Apple TV 4 (64GB) ~ Linksys Velop Mesh Wi-Fi