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I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets........ then it hit me.

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I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

Great. A jokes thread.

Stand by. I'll start posting shortly.

A man has been arrested for sending a letter bomb inside a scrabble game.
Police said that if it had gone off, it could have spelled disaster.

_________________
I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

Most popular iPhone 4 App of the month: Public Telephone Box Locator.

_________________
I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

When I was born I was so shocked, I couldn't speak for a year and a half.

_________________
I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

A farmer is in his big machinery barn one day doing a striptease when the farmhand walks in catching him in the act.
"What the fook!?" exclaims the farmhand.
"Oh!" replies the farmer, looking quite embarrassed. "Thing is, Mrs farmer and I haven't been getting on recently so my therapist advised I should do something sexy to a tractor."

_________________
I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

A man had two of the best tickets
for the Rugby World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes along
and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him..

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of
the rugby world and not use it?"


He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we
haven't been to together since we got married."


"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't
find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the
seat?"
The man shakes his head...


......"No. They're all at the funeral."

A Mexican, an Arab, and a hot gorgeous blonde Devon girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In  Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
 
The Arab, obviously impressed by this,
drinks his beer,throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47,and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says,'In the Arab World,we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The blonde Devonshire girl,cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 12 bore, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
'In England we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

' God Bless England'  

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21.5 iMac OSX 10.9.5, 3.06GHz, 8GB RAM, HP PhotoSmart printer and external disk 'sall
17" Unibody MBP with Snow Leopard 'cos I can use AppleWorks.
I got shot of rubbishy Windows 7

Poor spellers of the world untie

A man walks into a bar, says ouch.





I'll get me coat

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iMac 24" 2.66 Ghz Intel Core 2 Duo 8gb RAM
iBook G4
iPhone 4 16gb
iPhone 3G 8gb
iPod video 30gb
iPod photo 30gb
iPod shuffle 2gb

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

_________________
iMac 24" 2.66 Ghz Intel Core 2 Duo 8gb RAM
iBook G4
iPhone 4 16gb
iPhone 3G 8gb
iPod video 30gb
iPod photo 30gb
iPod shuffle 2gb

Possibly the funniest joke in the world:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraphtv/ ... -ever.html

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MacBook Pro, iPhones and iPads galore / /

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You've got male!

-- Warning: bad maths joke! --

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?
Person 2: A log cabin.
Person 1: No, a beach hut – you forgot to add the C!

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The first task for the Chilean miners after the release is to visit Anfield. They are going to advise Roy Hodgson on how to get out of a big hole before Christmas!

_________________
I'm never wrong, I'm just less right on occasions.

Good ones!!!

I have a slighly naughty one!
Would I be barred if I put it here?!!


Teeee Heeee!!